WE RATE SHARKS

We love sharks at High Touch High Tech.  We are proud shark nerds.  This week is Kiss A Shark Week, a week to celebrate cool stuff about sharks, and show these misunderstood predators some respect!  First appearing in the fossil record a whopping 410 million years ago, sharks have been evolving into every possible ecological niche in the ocean long before dinosaurs were even a gleam in mother earth’s eye.  Tigers, Bulls, and Great Whites tend to get all the press, but there are over four hundred different species of sharks, all of them wonderful in their own sharky ways!  In honor of Kiss A Shark Week, we will rate our top favorite sharks that aren’t the big three.  Let’s rate sharks:

GREENLAND SHARK (Somniosus Microcephalus)

Have you seen that creepy, huge shark footage going around the internet purporting to be MEGALODON?  Sorry to crush your hopes, but nope, that’s probably this handsome guy.  The Greenland Shark is found mainly in the freezing depths of the Arctic and Atlantic.  He has been spotted at depths of up to seven thousand feet, and maybe sometimes … in your nightmares?  All of his talent and charming good looks never went to his head, though.  He’s content letting the big three have the fame, even though this dude has been found with whole reindeer in his stomach, can grow to 24 feet (or bigger), and is, btw, the oldest living vertebrate on earth. 

Greenland shark, 14/10, a real deep guy and super chill

The Greenland Shark’s (or possibly its close cousin the Sleeper Shark’s) Megalodon Moment:

The Greenland Shark Observatory: https://geerg.ca/en/greenland-shark/

TASSELED WOBBEGONG (Eucrossorhinus Dasypogon)

Who is SHE?  When she’s not snatching unsuspecting prey around the warm reefs of the Indian and Pacific ocean, this dewy beauty clearly loves trying out the latest makeup trends.  Even her name is fabulous!  Wobbegong is an Australian Aboriginal word, meaning “bearded.”  With her gorgeous fringes framing her face and flawless camouflage patterns up and down her body, this reef-dwelling, stealth-hunting  beauty is mysterious and fascinating, but you never quite know where she’ll pop up next.  

Wobbegong, 12/10, Stunning, unconventional style but watch out, she might ghost ya

Feast your eyes on all this beauty: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbslHWZJUBk

Strut, queen, strut: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbv2DhcKAh4

SALMON SHARK (Lamna Ditropis)

Watch out!  He’s quick!  Built like a lil’ Ferrari of the ocean, this sleek marine minimalist is one of the fastest and, dare we say, pointiest sharks out there!  Related to the ultra-fast Mako Shark, this perfectly contoured fellow can reach speeds of 50 miles per hour.  Why go so fast?  Apparently this cool customer is a sushi connoisseur, eating a diet mainly of salmon and squid that he chases down with ease in the icy Alaskan waters he calls home. The fresher, the better, right?

Salmon Shark:  13/10, love the minimalist aesthetic

Swimming with Salmon Sharks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDrrycK5lGM

The Fastest Sharks in the World: https://www.sharksider.com/three-fastest-sharks-world/

FRILLED SHARK (Chlamydoselachus Anguineus)

Let’s set the record straight here.  One of the oldest still-extant sharks there is, going back all the way to the pre-dinosaur CARBONIFEROUS PERIOD, our Frilled Shark buddy is considered “a living fossil,” and we’re here to put some respect on his name!  Why? Well you might have seen our buddy from a viral clip of him where’s he not feeling his best and has come up to the surface to die, only to be rudely captured by someone who happens to have a camera.  Then the video showed up on YouTube, where they labeled him a “sea monster!” The nerve. Let’s give this guy some justice and let him show you his suave, smooth, and frilly side while he’s healthy and in his favorite environment: the Freezing, Endless Blackness of the Abyss!

Frilled Shark, 14/10, the Goth of Sharks and we’re so here for that

Frilled Shark on a Bad Day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mneDhOtVEQw

On a Good Day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYH32gKMHuc

COOKIE CUTTER SHARK (Isistius Brasiliensis)

Awww, what a cute little shark.  He’s so teeny, he must be one of the many species of sharks that are very small!  Hey little guy!  Aww, look at his lil’ belly and his lil’ sharky face!  Wait …. he does WHAT with those teeth?  One of nature’s finest opportunists, this little angel lurks in the deep until a fine, fleshy, usually much bigger morsel swims along, then attaches to it and bites a CIRCLE out of it!  They get a nice nugget to eat and none of that pesky waste of energy.  The victims, however, are left with:

the  cookie cutter shark was only extensively studied by scientists when the US Navy had to go on a hunt to figure out who was taking tiny, circular bites out of its SUBMARINES. 

Cookie Cutter Shark, 11/10, you have to admire the chutzpah

Everything you need to know about the Cookie Cutter (bonus, HUGE Goblin Shark too): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8XuYgoH8c

MEGAMOUTH (Megachasma Pelagios)

With a cool name like Megamouth you might be expecting an absolute ROCK STAR of sharkdom.  And you would be right!  Dodging all press for centuries, and doing her own creative thing on the deep ocean floor, this giant enigma wrapped in a mystery first premiered in 1976, absolutely rocking the world of science.  Thrilled by Megamouth’s influential first appearance, her inspired fans speculated that if she was down in the depths, what other life could be there, waiting to be discovered?  Megamouth is so reclusive that she has only been encountered, alive or dead, about 100 times.  Studies indicate that she is a filter feeder of the deep that gathers food in her giant bioluminescent mouth!  Did we say giant?  We meant it.  Check out the footage of her swimming right by a diver — and side-eyeing that tiny paparazzo to filth on her way back to her studio. 

Megamouth, 13/10, debut rocked harder than Led Zeppelin’s, can’t wait for her next album

Diver’s Surprise encounter with Megamouth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS1RgcPSr8M

Megamouth Live in Japan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHiL7MPAZ0g

CONCLUSION: SHARKS RULE

So Shark Nerds, which exceedingly ancient cartilaginous ocean-dominating friend do you like the most?  Put your favorite shark in the comments below, we’ll rate it!   

If you want to put some serious respect on the Elasmobranch name for Kiss a Shark Week, consider a donation at the Shark Trust: https://www.sharktrust.org/shark-conservation

or the American Shark Conservancy: https://www.americansharkconservancy.org/